no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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