she woke up with a sticky ear
She announced her abortion via fbk
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
