I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
