So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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