Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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