dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
