i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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