You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
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