totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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