Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling