just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
