we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
