Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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