I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
