And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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