i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it hurts more in the daytime
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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