Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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