I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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