Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
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Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
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She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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