I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
