Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
