I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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