I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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