Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
