i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
