Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
