So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
