Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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