I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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