We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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