thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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