I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We are all done wearing pants today
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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