I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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