my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Randomize
