I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
