i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I will be naked everywhere
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
