I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i believe in u and ur pee
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
