just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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