There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
