And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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