Your tits are I can't wait for
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
