I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
