I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
