I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
