I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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