you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
