Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
