I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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