sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
