Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
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I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
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She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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