Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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