your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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