Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
