You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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