i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
