I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sext me about skeletons
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
