Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
