I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
