So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
