why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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