We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
