I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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