did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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