This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
