He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
