Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize