You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
