Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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