he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
