Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
