Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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