Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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