My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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