she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
