Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
