My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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