Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
