i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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