from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
