The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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