she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
