If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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