I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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